He walks beneath the stars. Just Him and the darkness, the sky, the stars, the moon and the ground – a picture of solitude. Cinematic, poetic, depressing.

Flat-footed, He walks. Just walk. Not thinking about what happened a while ago. Not thinking about the future. He believes that every second used for thinking about the future is a wasted second. Future must trouble with itself, He adds.

He just walks. Left foot forward, then right, then left. He is like a tired private marching forward to the unknown, probably to his death, probably to an unseen terror. He seems oblivious; in fact, He doesn’t care anymore. Numb. Like a stone who walks in the middle of the night, who feels no cold, who feels no pain, who feels empty yet heavy.

He just walks. Not thinking that seconds later he will be dead…. Just like the dead stars he now sees across the velvet-crimson, silent-holy sky.

Now, where am I? Shit, I’m lost, he says to himself.

He moves forward. A minute have past. Left foot forward, then right, then left, like a death-row prisoner on his way to the electric chair. His walk, slow, calculated and in small strides. His head bowed down.

He saw bright lights. Halogen lights from afar. A car? A truck? A horse' whiny shiny eyes? Or perhaps, an alien spaceship from planet Neptune. Or maybe, by some surrealistic dream that came true, a pair of ogre's greedy eyes.

He moves towards the source of light like a firefly nearing a candle-light. He nears to his inevitable doom.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerch! Boom!

Di ko alam kung saan ako dadalhin ng dalawa kong paa na walang kapagurangang tinatahak ang daang papalayo sa aking kahapon. Di na ako marunong lumingon sa kahapon. Kahit ang kasalukuyan ay di ko na rin pinapansin. Basta, takbo na lang ako nang takbo, hakbang na lang nang hakbang, papalayo nang papalayo.

Walang direksyon. Pero alam ko sa dulo ng daang tinahak ang liwanag na matagal nang hinahanap-hanap. Ilang taon na rin akong nagdudusa sa kadiliman dala ng pighati at kalungkutan. Dahil maraming gustong manahimik na lang ako, makontento sa kadiliman, makontento sa kawalan.

Nakakatawa daw ang mga katulad ko. Palaging pumupuga, palaging nag-aalsabalutan. Nawawala daw ako sa aking sarili. Nahihibang. Ganito naman ang  ginagawa nila sa mga taong gustong tumiwalag sa kanilang mga landas. Ganito nila, pinapatay ang mga mithiin at pangarap ng mga kabataan. Sinasalungat nila ang mga taong may pangarap. Pinapatahimik nila ang aming mga boses. Kinukulong sa kadiliman.

Pero tama na ang pagkakulong sa kadiliman. Tama na ang pagkukunwari. Tama na ang pananahimik. Kelangan ko nang makalayas sa hawlang ito. Kelangan ko nang mag-impake at mag-alsabalutan.

Pero saan ako patungo? Dito? Doon? Diyan?

Para saan ang paglalakbay na ito? Para sundin ang aking tunay na landas? Para gumuwa ng sariling daan papunta sa kaliwangan? Para makalayas sa kahapon? Paano ang kahapon? Bigla ko na lang bang iiwanan ng basta basta? Bakit ko kailangang talikuran ang lahat? Bakit ko kailangang lumayas? Para sa iyo ba ang ginagawa kong ito?

Ang daming katanungan ang bumabagabag sa aking isipan habang patuloy ang aking paglalakbay. Pero hanggang ngayon wala pa rin akong sagot sa mga katanungang ito. Dahil takot akong lagyan ng tuldok ang lahat. Dahil baka kung masagot ko na ang mga ito, bigla akong huminto sa kalagitnaan ng aking biyahe. Hihinto at matuksong lumingon sa aking likod. Takot ako baka malaman ko na mali pala ang daan na tinahak ko, takot ako na baka mapangilakan ko na tumatakas ako sa mga maling rason, takot na baka biglang mag-iba ang ihip ng hangin at biglang maisipan na tama na itong paglalakbay na ito, baka maisipan na pagod na pala ako. Takot ako sagutin ang mga tanong dahil takot ako huminto. Sapat na sa akin ang ganito, pumupuga sa kahapon. Sapat na sa akin na makita man lang ang liwanag, kahit isang kislap lang nito. Dahil ito naman talaga ang ating trabaho sa buhay di ba? Ang mabuhay sa ilalim ng liwanag. Dahil walang gustong manirahan sa dilim.

Di ko alam kung hanggang kelan ang paglalakbay na ito. Pero kung makita niyo man ako sa daan, ipaalala niyo na lang sa akin kung ano na ang nangyayari ngayon dahil lagi kong hinahabol ang kinabukasan.  

Let's admit it. Blogging is just some form of ego-massage. It is just an excuse for us to trash away our thoughts, writing and uploading me-I-centric musings (and sometimes, senseless crap) in the net for the sake of having and setting up a blog.

We write in our blogs just to express ourselves, we always say. Well, i have nothing against to those who love to chronicle their lives, and letting their lives become an open book. It came to a point that we can predict what the blogger will wear in the next 3 days. Absurd, isn't it?

I have nothing against to those who love to write about themselves as if they are the only fabulous people around.

To tell you honestly, it seems pointless, and downright boring reading about other's lives. You always hear them rant about everything, how they hate their dog, how they love their neighbor, how they giggle when they see their secret crush. Because i was once like that. A blogger who just want to express myself. Believe me, been there, done that. And now, the last thing I want to do is read somebody's angst about forgetting that you should apply shampoo first before the conditioner.

But as Karl Marx once said, the point is to change it. So, how can we move forward from petty things like writting about our mundane existence into something more sophisticated?

In my opinion, the blogger must transform him/herself from just an ordinary blogger to a responsible blogger who wants to change the system. Change the world, Eric Clapton sang in one of his memorable song.

Trust me, I am no idealist. I always believe that idealism is an extinct word.

But I believe that we, bloggers, have a manifest destiny to fulfill. We must create a space in the net where debate and social analysis are our conerstones, our own ideologies as our bibles, and our blogs as arenas where we devour, heal, create, demistify, destroy, and recreate ideas. Only through healthy exchange of ideas can we move forward as a nation.

Thus, in the spirit of leading by example, I abandoned my former blog and set up this blog, a blog that is in line with my view of what a blog should be - a space for coffee intellectuals to debate, articulate, ponder and write about love, life, philosophy, literature, politics and everything in between. A site where nothing is sacred. Not even the Indian sacred cows. Because everything under the sun is subject to scrutiny, debate and analysis.

Because I dont want to be a voiceless blogger drowned by a million voices wanting to express themselves. I want to be a part of that tiny voice that soon will be a warcry, trumpeting forward towards the very center of the earth, knocking at the very doors of the status quo, of the oppressive system. Someday, we will topple them down. And now is the right time to start.